MARIA: This can’t be the house!
JOHN: Good heavens! It’s a most peculiar place!
MARIA: Look at that carving over the fireplace.
JOHN: Looks Chinese.
MARIA: Weird! There’s a mixture of everything.
JOHN: And how could anyone live in a house like this?
MARIA: I’ve never seen anything like it.
MAN: Good afternoon.
MARIA: Oh… hello!
MAN: Who are you? I’m the caretaker.
JOHN: I think we’ve come to the wrong house.
MAN: The wrong house?
MARIA: Yes… by mistake.
MAN: Well! I’d have thought it was difficult to mistake this house.
JOHN: Yes … it is an extraordinary place. Who built it?
MAN: A pirate.
JOHN: A pirate?
MARIA: Really! How astonishing!
MAN: He was most artistic.
MARIA: What! Who’d have thought of a pirate being artistic?
MAN: He stole only works of art.
JOHN: Did they catch him?
MAN: Yes. In the end, he was hanged.
MARIA: Oh, no!
MAN: For murder.
MAN: The house has been empty all these years, and now it’s being sold.
JOHN: Who on earth would want to buy an extraordinary place like this?
MAN: To a couple called – let me think – I believe.
JOHN: But… but that’s us!
JOHN: You must’ve got the wrong name.
MARIA: This isn’t the house we’re buying. John, we’ve come to the wrong place.
JOHN: We’re buying a Georgian house, in Butterfield Lane, near Malmesbury.
MAN: This is Butterfield Lane, near Malmesbury
JOHN: The house agents must’ve made a mistake, dear.
MARIA: Surely not!
JOHN: I wouldn’t have thought so, but they must have.
MAN: Well, I never!